don't give up
don't give up on me. i'm still here. it's just crazy right now. crazy in good ways, and crazy in very difficult ways.
the full moon this past weekend has affected everyone and everything at work. it's been really hard. busy. difficult. one kid has been arrested...again. some others are mad at mean ms. mcguire. meetings have been stressful and too often. and adults have been stressed out. big time. it's just been tough. and i haven't felt great.
tomorrow i have a funeral to attend. my good friend did pass away this past weekend. so, l and i are gonna go support our friend. and remember how precious life is. how amazing our life is.
it's so hard to live in the moment, when all you can do is think about the pain that is coming in just a few more days. i just can't let it go sometimes when the sadness overwhelms me. l is leaving in a week and a half. we'll be separated again. i don't think we every take things for granted, but now, these days before separation, we really enjoy every single moment. and i try to focus on today. this moment. and soak it all in. still, it hurts.
and the last craziness that's going on is the thought that l's parents are in the states now. tomorrow afternoon we are picking them up at the airport. it's unbelievable! crazy!
but don't give up on me. i may not write alot for the next week and a half. but, i'm still here. just busy. and feeling so many different emotions.
peace.
mysteries
i was driving to see a dear friend and her dying husband (another dear friend). i was listening to some beautiful music, when suddenly in the middle of all the dark gray, light gray, and white clouds, heaven just opened up. i couldn't take my eyes off of this hole that got bigger and bigger as the clouds parted in just this one area. and i felt a presence. something holy. mysterious.
then i thought about all those who may say to me, "aren't those just clouds?" well, of course they are. just clouds. the wind is separating them. nothing special. or is it? to me, though, what seemed to be such a typical, scientific, weather-related event, and a coincidence that i looked up at just the right moment, i knew that was something more. i knew in my soul i was experiencing a holy mystery. and i was feeling the divine all around me. you see, i believe that the divine is found in everything. everything is sacred. holy. the question is, do we just see things as they are, or are we willing to look deeper? to feel what we see?
when i arrived at the hospital, i got into the elevator. the doors opened on the fifth floor, and as soon as they did, there was my friend standing face to face with me. we embraced and held each other tightly. my love then hugged her. and i hugged her sister. the four of us stood there and chatted a little. but, chatting with my friend is always deep. she talked of her husband, who just keeps holding on right now, and remarked that it is such a holy mystery.
i guess we are all a little nervous with that which seems to be a mystery. we want to know things. but, what if we can know in a different way? couldn't everything we experience be a mystery? couldn't God's love simply be made known to us in these mysterious ways? like knowing someone loves you unconditionally? or seeing a a tree turn colors in the fall? or the peace and pain of watching someone die?
i continued on to see my dying friend. i went in alone. stood by his bedside, and talked to him. i put my hand on his shoulder, prayed some, and read to him that even in the valley of the shadow of death, we are not alone. i was reminded again that "my cup runs over". it is a mystery. to stand there. to feel love. give love. and share that quiet, simple, holy moment with another.
and now, i am overwhelmed. it's all a mystery. faith. love. clouds. death. life. but, i am so thankful for the moments that remind me to live. to breathe. to believe.
then i thought about all those who may say to me, "aren't those just clouds?" well, of course they are. just clouds. the wind is separating them. nothing special. or is it? to me, though, what seemed to be such a typical, scientific, weather-related event, and a coincidence that i looked up at just the right moment, i knew that was something more. i knew in my soul i was experiencing a holy mystery. and i was feeling the divine all around me. you see, i believe that the divine is found in everything. everything is sacred. holy. the question is, do we just see things as they are, or are we willing to look deeper? to feel what we see?
when i arrived at the hospital, i got into the elevator. the doors opened on the fifth floor, and as soon as they did, there was my friend standing face to face with me. we embraced and held each other tightly. my love then hugged her. and i hugged her sister. the four of us stood there and chatted a little. but, chatting with my friend is always deep. she talked of her husband, who just keeps holding on right now, and remarked that it is such a holy mystery.
i guess we are all a little nervous with that which seems to be a mystery. we want to know things. but, what if we can know in a different way? couldn't everything we experience be a mystery? couldn't God's love simply be made known to us in these mysterious ways? like knowing someone loves you unconditionally? or seeing a a tree turn colors in the fall? or the peace and pain of watching someone die?
i continued on to see my dying friend. i went in alone. stood by his bedside, and talked to him. i put my hand on his shoulder, prayed some, and read to him that even in the valley of the shadow of death, we are not alone. i was reminded again that "my cup runs over". it is a mystery. to stand there. to feel love. give love. and share that quiet, simple, holy moment with another.
and now, i am overwhelmed. it's all a mystery. faith. love. clouds. death. life. but, i am so thankful for the moments that remind me to live. to breathe. to believe.
rainy days a comin'
i wanna write, but i cannot seem to recover from this awesome past weekend. i have pics to share from the lighthouse, the family reunion, and many things i've been thinking about. i really wanna get them out. but i'm so tired. i wish i could blog during the day. work gets in the way. hmpf. well, just wanted to say that i may not be blogging right now, but i'm thinking. and i'll be back in a day or 2 with a new post. it's gonna rain for the next few days, i think. really cool weather. cozy times at home. so, hopefully, i'll curl up with a blanket, some coffee, and my love - and read and write, and not fall asleep. my idea is: rain=blogging.
see ya. peace.
see ya. peace.
farm girl or city girl?
for the past week, we have been exiled from our cute, cozy, city apartment to the beautiful, remote, cozy farm. it was an unexpected "vacation" (although i worked, i.e. drove 45 minutes every morning and afternoon) brought on by the little mouse that would not leave our apartment. zola (the cat) did nothing to help us catch the mouse. all she did was run with it, kick it, and chase it. ugh. so, we packed up our stuff and zola's stuff, set 12 mousetraps, contacted the apartments' office, and vacated our home.
while we were on the farm, we helped my dad set up a new tv. very cool. watched some awesome movies. the soloist, little miss sunshine, and began watching the first 2 episodes of the first season of true blood. yep. we bought the whole season. be jealous. we're addicted.
we also drove like crazy people a few times - trying to get to town to run errands before everything was closed. it's a long way out in the middle of the country(side). we had some cozy, rainy nights. made pizza. mmm. and yep. we herded cattle. that's right. we put on our boots, walked down the dirt road, and coaxed 2 big cows back into the field where they belong. mmm. hmm. i'm a country girl inside.
ok. maybe not. today we came back home!!!!! we dropped zola off at the vet to have her bathed and to get her some medicine and headed home to do some intense cleaning. now it smells and looks so good in here. yay. and zola is exhaused too, so she's curled up on the sofa with us as we sit - glued and addicted to our computers. that's right. there was no real internet access on the farm.
tomorrow it's back to work (today was a workday - and i didn't work. hehe.). but only 2 days, and then it's weekend! tomorrow it's back to being a city girl. feels good. and yet, the time on the farm was really great too. perhaps i really do need a little of both in my life. and how amazing is it that in my life that i am able to enjoy the city and the farm?! not only that, but i am so blessed to have family in 2 countries. i have the joy (and great sorrow too) of traveling back and forth between NC and Sweden! so many people dream of simply visiting one place or the other, and i am back and forth all the time. wow. what a life. i don't have to choose. country. yes! city. yes! usa? yes! europe? yes! i have it all. everything. and my true home is wherever my love is.
all you need is love
“If you wish to experience peace, provide peace for another.”
~ Tenzin Gyatso, The 14th Dalai LamaCoz
peace can be found in the face of a cat. zola, our amazing cat, provides us with endless moments of peace and love...usually just when we need it, too. snuggling with her, i am reminded that her love is unconditional. perhaps i have a few things to learn from zola.
the past few nights have been cozy ones at home. perfect. andmy love and i have been sharing peace with each other. these last two nights have reminded me that sometimes we are given a gift - the feeling of peace from another person, a place, a moment. but, perhaps true peace is not found in something we look for, but in something we do. maybe peace is a way of being. not something we seek out, but a way of life. and perhaps in giving love, we receive true peace.
so, light a candle, cuddle with an animal, share love with another.
spread peace.
make-over:IKEA style
we did it! we've been dreamin' and wishin' for about a year now. we've planned and planned, designed and discussed. how awesome would it be if we could get some furniture from IKEA and add it to our apartment?! well, as a result of our 2 spontaneous trips to IKEA this weekend, we did just that! my love and i spent all evening and night putting together new furniture, taking apart old furniture, organizing, arranging, and decorating our apartment. and it looks amazing! love it.
can't wait to share it with others! wish everyone could come over. the door's open! stop by anytime!! we wanna share our home.
pics to come soon.
can't wait to share it with others! wish everyone could come over. the door's open! stop by anytime!! we wanna share our home.
pics to come soon.
peace.
what do you wanna do today?
it all started with that simple little question. and it ended with a road trip to IKEA in charlotte, a 5 hour shopping spree, a late-night return home (with new furniture in tow!), and a restful night. and then, this morning...a phone call with an invitation to another road trip BACK to IKEA! am i up for it? oh yeah.
so, we are off again! a rainy day won't keep us down. see ya late tonight. who knows what will happen?! love it!
so, we are off again! a rainy day won't keep us down. see ya late tonight. who knows what will happen?! love it!
IKEA - Charlotte
busy making notes on what we like/need...
peace.
beauty
i stayed home today. i didn't feel great. and i needed sleep. so, i slept. and rested. my love did school work, zola (our cat) slept under the bed. i ate some, and now i'm gonna sleep some more after eating a little.
but i did do one productive thing today. i read a book. becoming chloe. and it inspired me. it was the story of a homeless, young man who meets and cares for a very troubled young woman. after living with an old man for a year, they take off across the country - in search of beauty. jordy's challenge is to prove to chloe that the world is beautiful. she has always lived in the midst of darkness and ugliness. now, they are on the road pointing out all the grand and simple beautiful things. what an amazing story of love and beauty!
wouldn't it be a great idea to write down, as chloe did, all of the beauty we see in a day?!
the beauty today:
- a cat sleeping cozy in my love's lap
- a loving phone call
- a long nap in the afternoon
you are beautiful
it was one of those days where everything around me seemed dark. there was so much violence and fear. students told me stories about how they have seen their parents shot or killed. some are suspected gang members. one experienced abuse and loneliness this weekend due to a bad decision he made. another cried because he feels so misunderstood. and another one told me how much he misses his mom who was killed. everywhere i turned at work there were people hurting.
how i wish they felt love. so, tonight, this song is for all of my kids. for all people all around the world who are suffering. who feel unloved. scared. lonely. abandoned. helpless. hopeless. you are beautiful.
becoming
it's true. i'm indecisive. and i have been changing my blog about a million times. the design. the address. everything. but, nothing was what i wanted and i was trapped by the pre-planned designs of the websites i was using. what to do, what to do...
well, lina has an amazing blog that she has been in the process of redesigning. now it looks really amazing! (click on her name on the left side of my blog to check it out). turns out nothing could be better than to have my own personal blog designer! that's right. in my desperate attempt to express myself and my continuous failure to find the right image to capture "me", i turned to my love to help me out in my time of need. and i am satisfied. no. not satisfied...esctatic! thrilled! now my blog feels like home. feels like me. love it.
so, welcome!
i chose the style and the title after being inspired by a book, Becoming Chloe. the more i thought about it, though, the more i realized that this style, this design, this image is me. it is about becoming. i have often said that my faith centers around the belief that we all are created in the image of the Divine. every human. and what is more important in life, than discovering little by little, moment by moment, who we are and who we are created to be. and as we discover this on our journeys in life, we are inspired by and inspire others. as we contemplate who we are, we discover that we are not alone. and we realize exactly how we are all connected.
life is our journey of becoming. and this blog, is a way for me to first, reflect for myself on who i am and who i am becoming through all of the moments of my life. and it is, second, my invitation for you to journey with me, not discovering who i am (though i am sure you will discover things about me), but discovering for yourself who you are.
it's time, today, to live life. to feel the wind in our hair. to laugh deeply. to love unconditionally. to enjoy every moment. to be. to become.
so, welcome!
i chose the style and the title after being inspired by a book, Becoming Chloe. the more i thought about it, though, the more i realized that this style, this design, this image is me. it is about becoming. i have often said that my faith centers around the belief that we all are created in the image of the Divine. every human. and what is more important in life, than discovering little by little, moment by moment, who we are and who we are created to be. and as we discover this on our journeys in life, we are inspired by and inspire others. as we contemplate who we are, we discover that we are not alone. and we realize exactly how we are all connected.
life is our journey of becoming. and this blog, is a way for me to first, reflect for myself on who i am and who i am becoming through all of the moments of my life. and it is, second, my invitation for you to journey with me, not discovering who i am (though i am sure you will discover things about me), but discovering for yourself who you are.
it's time, today, to live life. to feel the wind in our hair. to laugh deeply. to love unconditionally. to enjoy every moment. to be. to become.
