one long day (for me & my love)
what a monday. a long one.
me: after a week of crazy weather and unexpected snow days(in the states and sweden), i headed back to work today...for a full day of school. no delays, no early dismissals, just a regular day. as regular as my job gets. one of my kids is in jail (again), i think. another one drove me crazy and i briefly lost my patience. i'm not perfect. one kid talked with me for a long time as he considered dropping out of school. why? because there is so much other stuff going on in his life. he needs to make money to take care of his family (no one else can work). school isn't doing anything for him right now. he has other priorities. who can argue with that? and why are 16 year olds faced with the decision to go to school or take care of their family? one student said she dreams of being a social worker, and she told me that i taught her to dream big, that she can be anything she wants. really? i taught her that? wow. another kid needed to talk to me about his weekend, and i couldn't. i just didn't have enough time, or enough of me to go around. one guy came to school late because he was high. oh these kids of mine. their lives are so hard. i pray that i am helping in some way. needless to say...it was a long day back at work. what will tomorrow bring?
my love: it was a long day for my love for completely different reasons (sort of). she worked the night shift from sunday-monday. that's always intense and exhausting. and then, after a quick trip home, she headed to the train station only to find out that her first train was delayed and she would miss her second train from stockholm to Östersund. STRESS!! she did miss the second train, but luckily it was worked out that she would take another train to another city, then the bus to Östersund...which would have her arriving about midnight. in stockholm, she treated herself to a chai latte (mmm) and set a trend hanging out near the train. people started started to hang out there with her. that's my girl! 5 cool points. she rode on the train (quite bored for a while), got on the bus, and arrived in Östersund late monday night after traveling for a total of about 9-10 hours. thinking about taking a taxi for a while, she decided to just walk to where she is staying. so she headed off...uphill, late at night, in the snow, with all her bags, having to pee, and then had to find the key to get in. she did. whew. and immediately made her bed, got in, and called me. what a long, stressful, exhausting day. i told her good night and she was probably asleep as soon as she hung up. she needed it. it's a school day tomorrow, and my love is gonna be a traditional student for a few days. hehe.
so, we may be thousands of miles apart, but monday was a long day for both of us. it would be so great to be together this evening, to relax and take care of each other. but love exists no matter where we are. and we made it through this long day...together.
where can i go?
i wanna travel the world.
ok. that shouldn't be a surprise to many people who know me, but let me explain why this feeling is overwhelming me today... i've been living in some february time-warp for the past week due to snow, ice, no school, and surprise vacation days from work. since february started about a week ago (i think), i have had no idea what day it really is, what i am supposed to be doing, or how to focus... i have read a book, written some, listened to music, pondered my passion in life, talked on msn, been to work a little, watched a crapload of tv, and slept some. today, i have focused on travel programs on tv. i've kinda settled into this pondering, being kind of existence, but sadly, i believe that today is gonna be my last day of my time-warp holiday.
perhaps it's due to some form of cabin fever, though i don't really feel restless, or perhaps it's due to having way to much time to think and just be... but i am having this uncontrollable desire to travel. i mean really travel. pack up what i need in a backpack, grab my camera and my journal/computer, swing by sweden and get my love, and then take off!
where do i wanna go? everywhere! i want to meet crazy, interesting people. see ancient, old places. explore beautiful architecture and nature. hear different kinds of music and taste new foods. i want to take it all in, soak it all up, photograph it, and write about it all. i want to travel because i want to experience this amazing world and share it with others through my writing. i want to inspire people to try something new, meet someone new, and expand their minds. i want to travel for peace. don't you think that if we travel and open ourselves up to new things we become more open and accepting? then we realize that we are not that different from one another, and become willing to work with each other. and then...we are creating peace and justice in this world. i really believe in this.
i want to travel!
spring break comes early
ok. i am home again today. no school. yay. or not. i can't decide. you see, in order to be able to miss this day of school, the school system had to find a day we could use to make up the missed one. today's missed day will be made up on friday, april 9. the last day of spring break. so, my spring break vacation just lost 3 days (i will have to travel home on thursday instead of sunday). ugh.
therefore, i am celebrating spring break all day today. i mean, it IS one of my spring break holidays now. it doesn't matter that it is sleeting, raining, and snowing outside. i have another cozy day inside. gonna read some, clean some, listen to some music, work on some paperwork a little, and hopefully talk to my love some after she gets home from work.
so, it's gonna be a good holiday today. i'm gonna make it good.
a few memories from last year's amazing spring break...
our campsite in the keys!
the world's smallest and coolest bar!
my love's favorite tree!
crazy, amazing, greasy breakfast restaurant in islamorada
we made a spontaneous 3-day trip to my parents' beach house in nc on our way home
28 days of ♥
i have a little project for february...
think it's gonna be great fun.
love. love. love.
söndag morgon musik
snowed in and listening to music. a cozy cat curled up next to me. thinking of my love. nice.
exploring new artists on spotify and itunes (thanks to recommendations from others). making playlists. love how it's making me feel.
i think it's time for coffee soon.
and i really need to/want to focus on some important paperwork at some point today.
i'm letting the music guide me today.
snowstorm weekend
all the preparations have been made...as best i can do. i am ready to take on the january 2010 snowstorm in nc!!
- grocery store shopping done...lots of snacks and junk food!
- school dismissed early today...so i am safe at home.
- taken a shower, doing laundry, and gathering candles...in case i lose power (typical here in the states)
- iPhone is charged
- waiting on directions from my dad on how to use the generator - to keep some power on all the time.
- got movies, blankets, books, and wine
- missing my love so much (but hopefully will be able to talk some on msn)
- and the snow has started!
wish me luck!
the first snowflakes are falling...
we're ready...
song up in her head
this morning as i was driving to work, i heard a song and a voice that i had never heard before. and i loved it. i came home, listened on spotify, downloaded in iTunes, and i think i've found my new favorite artist. sarah jarosz. bluegrass...mmm. perfect. it's been a while since i've listened to bluegrass, but it always makes me feel like i'm sittin' in the sun, relaxing, drinking a beer, and livin' life. it makes my soul dance and my heart smile.
two roads
i have a few extra hours before i head off to work this morning, so i am using my time as wisely as i can. what do i need the most right now? peace. comfort. inspiration. patience. faith. not because things are bad, but just because those are good things to have in life. although, perhaps life is a little challenging right now and i just need to be for a few moments.
so, this morning i began reading the shack (a book recommended to me by one of my supervisors at work). i read the forward and discovered that this is a book about one man's journey. perhaps quite different from mine, and yet quite the same as each of us. and then i turned to the first page... the quote which sits just above the words of the first paragraph is inspired by one of my favorite poems. i used the poem in the first and last sermons i preached at canton central umc. it inspires me always and reminds me who i am and how i choose to live life. when i saw this poem in the middle of page one, i knew that i was about to encounter a book that would affect me deeply.
i have not read anything else yet in chapter one. i just started writing after seeing the lines from my favorite poem... guess i'll begin reading this afternoon. but for now, i'll just share this:
first day
the beginning of a new semester is really the first day of school all over again. new classes. new students (and some of the same ones too). new goals. new ideas. i love the change of routine and the challenge of the first day.
actually, my day went quite well! it started early this morning with a long, fun talk with my love...getting me in a great mood for work. the class that was destined to be the hardest, was enjoyable. exhausting too...my kids need so much help. and the rest of the day was surprising as well, with some students working harder than i have seen them work before. seems like the kids needed the change of a new semester also. but, i guess, it's always good to have a fresh start, a clean slate. i think that's when we feel hope and excitement.
here's my desk with the necessities of a school day... computer, lesson plans, calendar, coffee!!, my favorite pens, journal, my iPhone (for international updates. hehe. and other work calls too...), and a coke.
this semester, the theme for my class is growth, symbolized by a tree (you can see it on my computer screeen). i am challenging and expecting my students to grow as individuals, as students, and as global citizens. i want them to reflect on who they are and how they interact with others, discover how they learn and how to overcome the challenges in their lives, and open their minds to learning not just facts, but what it means to be a human living in this world. i want them to know that someone does care for them, they are not alone, and that the most amazing gift is the opportunity to care for someone else.
while i want to see them grow, i am certain that i will grow in many ways as well. what will we all learn?
welcome, spring semester!
spring semester
finally.
the spring semester begins tomorrow at the high school where i teach!! yay! it seems as if january has dragged on and on (i am aware that we have one more week to go still). i am ready to check this month off my list and get moving on to february. checking off months is what i'm living for these days. i am seriouisly trying to get to june. and the beginning of the spring semester finally means that it's downhill now until school is out.
now, i realize that this seems like a sad, pathetic existence...and definitely not the way to live in the present moment. well, i am trying hard to live in the moment daily because i can only take things one day at a time. but, i am completely focused on june. and i excuse my somewhat sad existence and my focus on the future because it is not easy to be away from the one you love. it breaks my heart daily to not share life with my love, especially after we have lived together for the past year and a half. it feels empty...everything i do. the thing is, it's not like we can see each other on the weekends, or even every 3 weeks or so. it's different countries, with an ocean and a crapload of money for an airplane ticket in between. it is not possible for us to see each other until june unless we win the lottery.
yes. i am complaining and feeling sorry for myself. but, it hurts. however, i would not trade anything about the relationship that my love and i have. it is worth every single moment apart and together, every single tear and laugh. it is an amazing, strong love...perhaps due to the extreme emotions we feel and circumstances in which we live. again, i would not wish for anything else!
back to the spring semester... have i mentioned that it begins tomorrow?! so, tonight i'm getting ready for my students. planning, organizing, creating, deciding how i can be a better and more inspiring teacher. it's time for me to get back to work now... a new semester begins! i'm coming, june!
exam day
today is the first day of exams. woo hoo!! not the typical response, huh? well, it is when you are the teacher giving the exams! hehe. for the next two days i am giving exams all day, and i welcome the change in schedule (i am one of those persons who gets bored with routine pretty fast). but even better than the change in schedule, it means that we are finally, finally at the end of the first semester! the spring semester starts on monday...and i can't wait!!
yay!
no matter what, i love asheville
perhaps you will judge me for this story, but oh well. i need/want to process my thoughts.
i went to a birthday party in asheville tonight. one of my friends/co-workers invited me to join her party at a restaurant downtown. so, i did. i parked my car in a parking lot across the street from the restaurant. when i walked over to the machine where i pay for my parking, i was met by a 40-50 year old man who stuck out his hand to shake mine, introduced himself, and asked me for $5. it was clear that this was a homeless man. he told me he was hungry and asked again for the money. i told him that i had no cash with me (note to self: always carry a little bit of cash), but that i could go to an atm to get some so he could have some food. in a perfect world, i could go and buy him food and then give it to him, but i was due at the birthday party so i didn't have time.
let me tell you a little something about myself. i give money to homeless people. i say this not to say that i am some great humanitarian, but to say that this is not something weird for me to do. and i am not ashamed. over the years i have met some amazing homeless people who have touched me deeply, and some who are crazy, and some who made no real impression on me. so, in my belief/practice of the equality of all people and because i try to not judge people based on their circumstances or outward appearance, i walked with this man downtown for about 10 minutes. we talked about haiti, poverty, and laughter. at a stoplight/crosswalk, he asked if he could hug me. i wasn't scared or concerned...rather i was humbled by this opportunity to share a human moment with him. however, i was aware that a police car was stopped at the same light and there were people all around, which helped me feel more at ease. i'm not stupid, and i am cautious. we crossed the street, he stayed at the corner, and i went to get money. when i gave it to him, he gave me a hug, and then he took off.
i waited for the light to turn, crossed the street, and felt a bit disappointed that he just took the money and "ran". a few steps later, the police car pulled over beside where i was walking. the policeman rolled down his window and called me over. he asked me if the man was bothering me. i told him no; that he had asked for money and i gave it to him, and we had walked together, but he had not bothered me. the policeman asked again if i was ok and i replied that i was. i told him that i appreciated him "looking out for me" (and i do!). then, i walked on. when i got a few steps away, he got out of his car and approached the homeless man. i kept walking and headed to the party.
i had a nice time at the party... leisurely enjoying my food, beer, and the company around me. about 15 minutes before i left, i looked outside and saw the homeless man hanging out again near the parking lot across the street. i looked back at my surroundings and i thought about the gap that exists between us. a few brief moments of shared humanity and then back to our individual lives. is that right? is that just the way that it is and must i accept that? will there ever be justice and equality? will there always be people who have to beg for money and go to sleep at night hungry?
it was a strange night. it was good. and disappointing. and heartbreaking. and amazing. no matter what, though, i will always love asheville.
meet my two best friends
for the first half of 2010,
i have two friends who are keeping me sane and connected.
i love 'em!
my iPhone, Sam
my close buddy...initials: MSN
new design
thanks to my love's help (big time!), i now have a new design here. so basically, this is how i have spent my saturday morning (and she has spent her afternoon - love you, baby ♥). now, on to other things... hmm...
friday night
i am spending my friday night relaxing after a really long week. has it been a difficult week everywhere around the world?
the school week lasted forever. some of my co-workers faced some really difficult things this week. big time stress! my kids were quite good, thank goodness. but, the other events of the week were crazy. it's amazing how the attitudes/frames of mind of other people affected my attitude. i had to work really hard to be aware of my feelings of stress and realize that it was not my stress, but that i was taking on the stress/frustrations of others. as soon as i could realize that, then i could return to a more calm and peaceful way. it is not healthy to take on the pain others are feeling. it's good to sympathize, but not to let it eat you up as well. easier said than done. by today, i really needed it to be friday. watching others freak out about stress was exhausting me emotionally.
and my kids, while they were good... they are so focused on violence all the time...talking about beating each other up, getting revenge, playing around like they are shooting each other, listening to negative lyrics on their iPods. why so much violence? how can i teach them peace, compassion, and non-violence? sometimes it feels like i am banging my head up against a wall...
the earthquake in haiti. such suffering. injustice. death. pain.
it just seems like everyone has had a tough week.
so, i'm really glad it's friday. now, 3 days (for those of us who are americans - martin luther king, jr. holiday on monday) of rest and relaxation. think i'm gonna sleep alot, perhaps take a walk, write some more, and take some pictures. maybe even a little shopping... oh! and i'm gonna work on my residence permit application for sweden! i plan to enjoy this weekend and just be.
right now...a glass of wine, a good movie, and bed soon. g'night!
