i felt pretty bad at first. and angry. definitely angry. and a little lost. like....what's next? how could this happen (even though i knew it would at some point)? and then i realized, i'm not lost. in fact, i know exactly where i am and who i am. and i am not giving up or giving in on who i am called to be. who i am is who i am. who i love is who love. and who i am called to be/what i feel passionate about does not change just because of some rule. so, i'm not empty or lost. i'm actually free! the whole world lies ahead of me. i realized that what i am most afraid of is not rejection, but the unknown. however, i am not alone on this journey. so, i am feeling quite free, inspired, loved, and proud to be me.

while i am extremely disappointed in the united methodist church's rules, i am more thankful for the incredible love and support i have in my life. from my mom, to the members of the committee who wrestled with my "situation" versus the umc rules, to my amazing love who inspires me. all of that love and support remind me to always live with integrity, honesty, and to continue to find the ways that i can make a difference in the lives of others.

maybe one day the rules of the umc will change and all people will be allowed to be ordained. everyone is worthy of equal rights! for now, and until then, i will never give up. and i will use the unknown future to continue to grow and explore the opportunities that come into my life.

so now it's on to the next part of my life... my love is coming to me in 7 weeks, we're gonna spend an amazing summer with my family, move to sweden, i'll take swedish classes, perhaps begin to dance and write alot, volunteer, and see what kind of social/community service jobs i can find.

what i thought would turn out to be the most devastating decision, has actually served to push me to remember to always to be true to myself. to live life. and to love deeply. and that is freedom.