last. day.

it's here. the last day of school. for students. and me.

i've been back in the nc public schools for a year and a half, but now it's over. i'm moving on. to what? i'm not sure. but, by judging how i've been feeling & what i've been pondering for the past few months, i'm headed back in the direction of my deepest passions. and after some conversations/words of encouragement and support, i have been given a chance this weekend, during the methodist conference in western nc, to realize that i am already headed back and forward at the same time. no matter what i do, i will be sure that i am returning to those things which i am most passionate about. and yet, i will also be moving ahead, forging new territory, following a new & unknown path, challenging myself to step out of my box yet again. even with all the uncertainty, though, i am confident and excited about whatever comes next. the doors will open. and i will be true to myself in every way possible, never losing my past and never losing the courage to peek into a door that lies ahead.

i have said most of my goodbyes to my students. perhaps there will be a few more tomorrow. some have really touched me. all have challenged me in one way or another. i will miss their silly moments and their willingness to share their pain on the days they felt alone & depressed, or stupid and worthless. what a humbling, amazing time it has been. and i am so thankful to have had them pass through my life. i will think of them and hope that they find some joy, confidence, and success in whoever they become in life. my students' lives are difficult in many ways, and my only hope is that they have felt love, acceptance, and a little bit of hope from me. even though they are surrounded by pain, violence, darkness, drugs, and sadness, i hope that i have shown them that there is always a little ray of light, that anything is truly possible, that it will not always be this bad, and that hope, love, and acceptance do exist.

i guess the main goodbyes tomorrow will be with my co-workers. it has been a great team to work with, though at times difficult. but, hey, that's the nature of our job... it's pretty high stress and involves some sort of unexpected crisis every day. however, i have received so much support from my co-workers through one of the most difficult times in my life. they will never know it really, but without my love close by for 5 months, my friends at work became my connection to life. they helped me through each long, excruciating moment, and i will miss specific things about each of them...

so, i'm headed to bed now. ready to wake up at 5:30 and drive to asheville to be a high school special education teacher for one more day. it's hard to believe, but it's the last day.


happy saturday! whew. it's so nice that it's the weekend... for many reasons. of course, i love that i don't have to work, but more than that i am so excited that it is the last weekend before my love arrives!! here's how i'm gonna spend my weekend ( as far as i know. hehe):

meeting J for a little shopping trip to downtown asheville! laundry and some cleaning. talking with my love later on this afternnon. movie night tonight. lazy sunday morning. perhaps meeting an old member my youth group for fika. maybe seeing one of my caravan girls. and talking to my love for (perhaps) the last time on msn until she arrives next sunday!

so, everything is about to change. and i am ready! still, i have alot of things on my mind this upcoming week. i am coming to the end of my time teaching high school, and this week i will be telling my kids that i won't be back next year. gaah. i've got mixed feelings about it. just not looking forward to their reaction. and then, i'm thinking so much about the fact that i will be unemployed. it's amazing how much you define yourself by what you do, so again, i am going to have to dig deep and focus on who i am - and not rely on my job to define my worth. and, my amazing love and i will be reunited!!! (but this time without having to face a separation in about 3 months). this is finally the end of living in separate countries! we will have a chance to settle down together and begin to live every day life. yes!! of course, at the end of the summer, i am making a huge move to sweden, so that is on my mind as well. this time it is permanent. i'm so excited! still, it's alot of changes. and i know that my love is dealing with alot too. in addition to the changes that we are experiencing together, she is graduating on friday and has all of those feelings of the end of her student life and the beginning of a new life in front of her. she has worked so hard, and i am so proud... but more about that to come closer to her graduation day!

so, i'm gonna make it through this week and then, spend an awesome summer relaxing, having adventures, and just being! i can't wait!

but first, a little shopping. peace.

i went.


yes. i decided to go to church today.

and just a minute ago i finished a really long blog post about it. i hit save & post, and instead of coming back to this page so i can check it on my blog page, i was logged out of gaaahh!! i lost it all.

well, it was a pretty good experience at the church this morning. i'm not going into it all again now. but, let me just say, it was necessary, amazing, difficult, painful, and wonderful all at the same time.

now it's sunday night. i'm tired.
and i'm not ready for work tomorrow morning, but i am ready for another week to start because it means that my love will be one day closer to coming home to me!

have a good night and a good monday!

saturday night

it's saturday night and i'm cozy in my bed, with a glass of wine, a sweet, purring cat sleeping beside me, a sex in the city marathon on tv, and wondering if i'm gonna go to church in the morning or not. perhaps the journalisic, wonderings of carrie on tv have inspired me to write my thoughts down tonight. all i know is that i have some things i need to say.

tomorrow is a "big day" at the church where i used to work. it might be nice, as a former minister, to go and support the congregation in their celebration and dedication of the new building (which isn't exactly new since it was done before i left two years ago). it would definitely be nice to see some people i haven't seen in a long time. on the other hand, if i go, it feels a little weird to go and celebrate a building, since the Church is not actually a building, but a body of people. and so many christians in the states get stuck in the thought of the church as simply a building where you go to do rituals.

you see, this is the heart of one of my problems. lately, i am really questioning the relevance of the Church in today's society. i'm not saying that the Church cannot be or should not be relevant, but that it is not trying to be relevant because it continues to do the same old things in the same old ways, leaving out large groups of people. i see so many people attend church, follow the rules, and want to secure their place in heaven. all this is happening while oil continues to spill into the gulf of mexico, immigrant children worry that their parents will be taken away, and the addicted and homeless wander the streets hungry and hopeless. all because people seem to care more about money than doing what's right for our environment, the world, and our future. all because we care more about securing our own lives than caring for our brothers' and sisters' lives.

basically, i am saying that what i see is christians not acting as christians. i see religious people who follow a religion, but who don't work for social justice and equality. i see all different kinds of people, including myself, who are not welcome fully to participate in the ministries of the church because of rules. seriously. there are people, including me, who would love to dedicate their life to ministry and cannot because of the rules in the church (at least in my denomination). and that makes me mad. how can we alienate people rather than include them? what part of jesus' gospel talks about exclusion? now, tell me, how can we really offer hope to people, when we do not accept all people, challenge the corrupt, greedy, selfish parts of society, and refuse to be bold enough to speak out for justice, even if it's not popular? are we called to be popular and self-sustaining individualists, or are we called to be faithful, loving, compassionate, fair, thoughtful people? how can we offer hope when we leave out love and refuse to be relevant? this is the part of me that wants to stay away from the church, the institution that is failing.

but, there's this other part of me that wants to go to church in the morning. to fight. and to fight from the inside as much as i can. it's not like i'm gonna get up and start preaching, but it's more of a symbol to myself that i am not giving up on hope and love. that there is a need, perhaps, even for people like me, and for all people to stand up and speak out for love... to be bold, stand up, and call out the Church, the people, and even ourselves on the ways that we all are failing to live out a life that is true, real, and relevant... a life that reaches out in love and acceptance rather then rules and commandments... a life that encourages each of us to simply be true to who we really are; because who we really are, just as we are, is just perfect.

oh gosh... there is so much i don't know. but what i do know is that life is meant to be lived to the fullest and to be shared. and whether i go to church or not tomorrow, my life is filled with love. it is up to me what i do with that love. in two weeks, the love of my life will join me so that we can continue our journey through life together. it's a journey that continues, but that starts a completely new part. we will make these changes together, love each other through it all, and be true to ourselves. life is short. it's difficult. it's amazing. and it's full of hope, if we just look beyond ourselves and become willing to share life with others. perhaps all we can do is take those moments of joy, hope, and love that we feel and share it with others. perhaps when we focus on loving ourselves and each other rather than getting ahead and having power, then we will be relevant. i have hope.


the rules of freedom

as of today, i am no longer a candidate for ordained ministry in the united methodist church = i am not in the process to become an ordained minister. i met with a committee in my area for sort of an annual interview so that i can continue the process. today, however, i was stopped. because of my marriage. it is against the rules for someone who is like me to be ordained.

i felt pretty bad at first. and angry. definitely angry. and a little lost. like....what's next? how could this happen (even though i knew it would at some point)? and then i realized, i'm not lost. in fact, i know exactly where i am and who i am. and i am not giving up or giving in on who i am called to be. who i am is who i am. who i love is who love. and who i am called to be/what i feel passionate about does not change just because of some rule. so, i'm not empty or lost. i'm actually free! the whole world lies ahead of me. i realized that what i am most afraid of is not rejection, but the unknown. however, i am not alone on this journey. so, i am feeling quite free, inspired, loved, and proud to be me.

while i am extremely disappointed in the united methodist church's rules, i am more thankful for the incredible love and support i have in my life. from my mom, to the members of the committee who wrestled with my "situation" versus the umc rules, to my amazing love who inspires me. all of that love and support remind me to always live with integrity, honesty, and to continue to find the ways that i can make a difference in the lives of others.

maybe one day the rules of the umc will change and all people will be allowed to be ordained. everyone is worthy of equal rights! for now, and until then, i will never give up. and i will use the unknown future to continue to grow and explore the opportunities that come into my life.

so now it's on to the next part of my life... my love is coming to me in 7 weeks, we're gonna spend an amazing summer with my family, move to sweden, i'll take swedish classes, perhaps begin to dance and write alot, volunteer, and see what kind of social/community service jobs i can find.

what i thought would turn out to be the most devastating decision, has actually served to push me to remember to always to be true to myself. to live life. and to love deeply. and that is freedom.

blue, not green

yes. i feel blue tonight. and i should be green! i've asked around for the last few days, and none of my friends are able to go grab a guiness to celebrate st. patrick's day tonight. meh. so, i decided to sieze the day and live life anyway...i stopped by the grocery store to get some irish beer to have with my dinner at home. (i had changed my plans to make dinner and have a cozy night at home). i got the food at the grocery store and made my way to the beer & wine section... WHAT?! there is NO beer and wine section in the store where i stopped!! unbelieveable. so, since this was the only store on the way home, no irish celebration for me. i tried to make the most of a not so great evening, and even that didn't work. i feel ugh.

time to refocus...

i have thought a little about st. patrick, the person, today. what i love most about this guy from the 400s, is his desire to meet people where they are. after being a slave in ireland, patrick returned to his captors to share love and hope. i don't really care why he did what he did. what i care about is how he did it. patrick decided to live with the irish, learn about their customs and culture, and then share with them the love that he knew about. the point is, he didn't come in telling them that they should be like him. rather, he met them exactly where they were, respected who they were, and because they built a relationship of respect and trust, love was shared. this is how i believe that hope and peace are created in a world filled with many different types of people.

i hope that i live like st. patrick. in my current role as a teacher of gang members, pregnant teens, disabled students, and kids with horrible home situations, i hope that i meet them where they are. i hope i respect them for who they are and then share with them the belief that there is someone who cares. i hope that a little bit of love and peace soak into their lives.

yes. i'm still disappointed and a little sad tonight. it's not how i wanted this night to be. but, to stop and think about patrick, the person, reminds me that i have nothing to complain about. i have everything. who am i to feel sorry for myself? i may feel alone, but i am not. and so many people are.

so, happy st. patrick's day to everyone. may we all recognize the joy and promise in every moment. even the tough ones. may we acknowledge and never take for granted the love that we have in our life. and, may we always respect each other, accept our differences, and believe in the possibility of peace.

i've seen a ghost

the past haunts me like a ghost. it seems like i can't get rid of bad habits. it seems like i can't forget past hurts. it seems like old fears won't leave me. and i drag it all from the past into my present. and it causes more pain. why can't i get rid of it? why can't i heal it? why won't it go away? how do i make the ghosts of the past disappear? i want them all to be gone. i wanna learn from my mistakes and not repeat them. i wanna heal all the wounds that remain open. and i wanna conquer everything that scares me. i want to love unselfishly, move on from the pain, and trust rather than seek complete control. and i want it all to happen now. i don't want to be broken and flawed (silly, i know). i don't want to make mistakes (impossible, i know). and i want the ghosts to fade away. i just want to live and give love. i have an unbelievable life and i am so in love with an amazing person, why do the ghosts haunt me?

just a little smile

maybe i'm not the only one.

it seems that there are others who are "trying to look for a way to get by until winter retreats with its blanket of darkness we are all covered with" (the words of a friend). this winter has gotten hold of many of us and won't seem to let go. now that i think of it, many people i end up talking with are having a difficult time right now. stress. sadness. darkness.

which reminds me... the christian holiday of lent begins this coming wednesday. this has generally been my favorite christian season (weird, i know). it is six weeks of seriousness, silence, and a time for internal reflection. it is a dark time that leads up to the celebration of easter. i have always enjoyed the opportunity to spend six weeks pondering and reflecting on who i am, who i have become, and who i am becoming. but, this year i am dreading this time. i feel certain that it is because in some way, i lived with my eyes and heart closed for so many years. lent gave me permission to stay inside myself, where i was safe. last year, though, i didn't even deal with lent. i just let it go right past me...i was in the middle of living life like i had never experienced it before. beautiful! glorious! full of light! and i just blew right on past lent (which was exactly how it needed to be). but this year, the darkness is creeping up on me...and i think i may experience the dark time of lent like i never have before. truer. deeper. more real. am i willing to walk this road? another friend recently reminded me, however, that without the darkness we wouldn't appreciate the light as much. the dark makes the light brighter.

the thing is...i know what lies on the other side of this dark journey. light. life. peace. spring. color. joy! it's just that i'd rather skip all this darkness and get right to the good stuff - a normal reaction, i think. but, i am gonna walk through it. in fact, i have no choice. the days will come and go one by one. i have to go through this. i can't just go around it. i must face it.

today reminded me, though, that i do not face it alone. there are cracks of light piercing all through the dark. it is never completely dark. the light never goes out. i found some pieces of light today. in a few smiles. in a few moments of laughter. and i am so grateful. it's never completely dark. and we are never alone. even in the dark there is a hand to hold. and a smile to share.

here, even in the darkness of winter, my love and i are sharing a smile.


i'm stuck. it's almost mid-february (only or already, depends on how you look at it) and i have the winter blues. the winter blahs. and i don't know how to get rid of it. i see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it is so freaking far away. and, now that we have had craploads of snow days off from school, there is no time off/break in the schedule in sight until the much shortened spring break in april. ugh. (i hate it when i hear myself complaining... sorry.) gotta figure out a way to live life in the present, but it's so hard to do when the present moment is not as great as i know it could be. gotta take it one moment, one step at a time. hold on. breathe. i have to look for little things to help me get through. it's just not easy right now. i miss my love so much. work is stressful and not fun. hate feeling empty, uninspired, and bored. i am fully aware of the fact that it is well within my power to change my current feelings/attitude, but right now, i just can't. i just feel it. and i know that it is good that i am allowing myself to feel this way instead of pretending everything is ok. so, here's the truth tonight: it's not ok right now. i miss my love. i just feel blah. want summer. please.

(why do i feel so guilty for writing this?)

two roads

i have a few extra hours before i head off to work this morning, so i am using my time as wisely as i can. what do i need the most right now? peace. comfort. inspiration. patience. faith. not because things are bad, but just because those are good things to have in life. although, perhaps life is a little challenging right now and i just need to be for a few moments.

so, this morning i began reading the shack (a book recommended to me by one of my supervisors at work). i read the forward and discovered that this is a book about one man's journey. perhaps quite different from mine, and yet quite the same as each of us. and then i turned to the first page... the quote which sits just above the words of the first paragraph is inspired by one of my favorite poems. i used the poem in the first and last sermons i preached at canton central umc. it inspires me always and reminds me who i am and how i choose to live life. when i saw this poem in the middle of page one, i knew that i was about to encounter a book that would affect me deeply.

i have not read anything else yet in chapter one. i just started writing after seeing the lines from my favorite poem... guess i'll begin reading this afternoon. but for now, i'll just share this:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Robert Frost

global identity

two things have happened today: 1. i was told that the swedish tax authorities wold not be able to change my name and, 2. the world is beginning to see the magnitude of the devastation from the earthquake that hit the country of haiti. it seems that these 2 events are so disconnected. how can there even be any similarities or connections? one is a personal disappointment and the other is a nationwide tragedy. however, as i've thought about the 2 throughout the day, i feel a common thread exists.

being told that i cannot change my name led me to joke with some co-workers that i am having an identity crisis. i can't seem to figure out what my last name is gonna be. mcguire? reynolds? eriksson? mcguire, again? actually, my initial disappointment lasted only a short time. it seems to be a complicated issue and to keep my name as it is may reunite me with my love sooner. yes! i choose to be with her sooner, rather than having a certain name.

you see, my identity is not tied up in my name. it doesn't matter what my name is, what a piece of paper says. they are only letters. symbols.  what really matters is who i am. inside. and how that personality manifests itself outwardly in my life. it doesn't matter what you call me, or what i call you. it matters how we treat each other.

that brings me to the second thing that happened today: the news of the pain, fear, and sadness that haiti is experienceing now due to the 7.0 earthquake. in an already poverty-stricken country, haiti now is enduring destruction: loss of water, power, medical supplies, homes, and human lives. there was already so much need for aid and help in the tiny country, now it is unimaginable for the already poorest country in the western hemisphere. and i am left thinking, what can i do? i always feel a bit of panic when things like this happen...things like hurricane katrina, the tsunami in indonesia. i find myself wishing i could board a plane and get there as soon as possible. what would i do? i don't know. but i have the desire to be there, to hold hands, to provide comfort, and to observe, photograph, and write about what i see and experience.

but, i am not going to haiti. i am in the mountains of north carolina. tomorrow i am going to the high school i go to every day where i teach teenagers who face their own personal challenges and tragedies. however, i still feel a sense of connection to haiti, and afghanistan, and africa, and eastern europe and... you see, who i am - who we all are - is part of this global community. it would be nice if we could all converge on the island of haiti and help out. but, there is plenty we can do wherever we are. i truly believe that if we all would simply teach compassion, acceptance, and love in our everyday lives to the people that we encounter everyday...then we will be making peace and healing the suffering in the world one little moment at a time.

so, my name is irrelevant. i am so much more than my name. we are so much more than individuals. your pain is my pain. and mine is yours. haiti's pain is the pain of the world. but all the suffering seems so overwhelming. what can we do? well, i believe we can live our lives for each other. we can focus not on our names, our cultural differences, and our various nationalities, but on the common humanity we all share. and we can begin by loving each other in our everyday lives.

tomorrow i am not going to haiti. but, i am going to honor haiti, i am going to help... by setting aside 10 minutes to listen to a 17 year old teenage boy tell me about his alcoholic family. i am going to remind a 17 year old teenage girl that she should always believe in herself and to reach for the stars. i am going to give a pep talk to a 16 year old boy who is tempted to drop out of school and join a gang. i am going to write goals for an almost 18 year old young man who feels like giving up because his mother is addicted to drugs. i am going to listen to my co-workers who need a moment to vent their frustrations. i am going to spend some very important time with my love. i am not going to haiti, or iran, or egypt, or latvia; but i am going to teach peace and love where i am. and perhaps that will begin a little movement that one day will burst into a world filled with hope, joy, and justice for all. together it is possible.

pics from here

pj day

it's good to have a pj day every now and then. today is mine. and here are the events of the day:
  • hanging out with my parents
  • drinking lots of cups of coffee
  • talking some with my love
  • planning some for the family summer beach vacation
  • catching up with some friends on facebook
  • doing laundry
  • still unpacking and cleaning my room

later on... watch a movie? read some? webcam with my love?

i had no idea

the post following this one just came bursting out of me tonight. it was unexpected and unbelievable. i have been waiting for a year to process the past 2-3 years of my life. and i couldn't. i haven't been able to write. anything, really. but tonight... it all came flowing out of me. it's long. it's rambling. it's honest. but i wrote for me. it was just time. feel free to read whatever you want. peace.

the asheville groove

i must sleep. the jet lag has set in. but, it's been so great to have had 2 good days at work to help me get back into the groove of everyday reality in the states. to begin with, it's been snowing here a little and really cold. enough to give us a 2 hour delay monday and tuesday. i admit that enjoying a cup of coffee in the morning, taking my time getting ready, and leaving at 8:45 is something i could get used to. but, i have a feeling it will be a normal day tomorrow. nevertheless, it has been so helpful in re-adjusting to workdays after such a fantasticly (yep. i think i just made up that word) relaxing holiday. students have been really great! enjoyable, even! one of them, who has some significant behavior issues, actually asked me to walk with him to class (long story...i have to escort him everyday, but he has done well for the past month and earned some more freedom), and we had a great discussion as we walked together. another student stopped by my room and asked me if i could help him with a project tomorrow (this kid never wants to do work, misses school because he is in jail lots of times). it was weird in a good way today. but, i cherish these little moments that remind me why i do what i do.

so, even though it's been tough emotionally for the past 3 days, daily life has been kind to me. or perhaps it's just my perspective. i guess we can choose our attitudes. and even though i feel empty and somewhat alone; even though nothing is completely right when i'm away from my love, there are little things all around that, if i notice, have the ability to bring a tiny smile to my face. relaxing mornings, friendly students, messages of support & celebration from friends, dinner with family, my love's amazing voice and constant presence...all these things help me get back into the asheville groove. they remind me that all shall be well.

now. sleep... peace.

soon, sverige

tonight my emotions are quite opposite than my last post. and it feels weird to write about the sadness, emptiness, and pain i feel right now just above the post about the most amazing day of my life, and all the overwhelming, ecstatic feelings i felt then.

i am back in nc and my love, my wife, is in sweden. crazy. and it's gonna be this way for the next 5 months. it feels crappy. all i want is for us to be together. but, it will take these 5 months of preparation and separation in order to make it possible for us to be together permanently. and we believe that this is the last separation we have to face. that is what i am holding on to right now. i am working hard to train my brain to focus on that.

so, hello nc. i'll be with you alone for a while. my love will join me here in 5 months. but doesn't this time apart help me appreciate the love we have? doesn't the darkness make the light that much brighter? don't i fall in love over and over again? won't despair once again be taken over by joy? for now, though, it's winter. soon it will be spring. soon, sverige. will you wait for me?

monday monday

i don't usually like mondays, but when i am obsessed with getting to friday/saturday, monday becomes my friend!
here's how monday has treated me so far:

a surprise phone call on my  way to school
a classroom full of pleasant, calm students
a chance to watch some "romeo and juliet"
an unexpected meeting (started out not so good, but ended up being like a pat on the back)
60 degree F, sunny weather!
webcam time! (my favorite part of the day)
up next: dinner, movie, packing list...

i wonder if my attitude/mood has anything to do with feeling like i've had a good day... hmm... maybe our attitudes really do make a difference.

second week in advent

what is the longing of every one's heart? what is it we truly want? fame? wealth? security? happiness? peace? maybe deep inside we all really want to be free. but i cannot talk about freedom without mentioning love because i believe they go hand in hand. we want to be free. free to just be ourselves. free to be loved and to love...and when we do, when we truly feel love, then we are set free. i'm not talking about freedom to do whatever we want. that's surface freedom. sure, it's nice, but it gets old. the kind of freedom i'm talkin' about is the kind that has us twirling with our arms in the air, face to the sun and not caring what anyone thinks. it's the kind of freedom that doesn't mean that we are worry-free, but that even with all of our worries and fears, we can feel life, real life (and real love) burning and growing inside us. the love that sets us free teaches us to live with hope.. before we realize it, when we feel that amazing love, and we live life with the freedom to simply to be ourselves, then begin to believe that hope is alive. tonight i have been thinking about the love that i have in my life these days, and how that love has changed me and given me an amazing gift of freedom, the freedom to have the courage to just be me. perhaps if we lived with a little more love in our lives, we would promote the possibility of freedom for others, giving hope to all, and working toward peace. but, it all begins with love. love is there for everyone, and needed by everyone. my love is gonna sing for the third sunday in advent next week. she is dedicating one of the songs to the women she works with at a treatment center for addicts of drugs and alcohol. these women have had tough, difficult lives, but they are working to get back the lives that they almost lost. what all of them really want is to simply be loved and to be set free. so, my love is gonna sing for them. maybe we can't all sing, but we can all love someone who needs it. love. peace. freedom.

don't give up

don't give up on me. i'm still here. it's just crazy right now. crazy in good ways, and crazy in very difficult ways.

the full moon this past weekend has affected everyone and everything at work. it's been really hard. busy. difficult. one kid has been arrested...again. some others are mad at mean ms. mcguire. meetings have been stressful and too often. and adults have been stressed out. big time. it's just been tough. and i haven't felt great.

tomorrow i have a funeral to attend. my good friend did pass away this past weekend. so, l and i are gonna go support our friend. and remember how precious life is. how amazing our life is.

it's so hard to live in the moment, when all you can do is think about the pain that is coming in just a few more days. i just can't let it go sometimes when the sadness overwhelms me. l is leaving in a week and a half. we'll be separated again. i don't think we every take things for granted, but now, these days before separation, we really enjoy every single moment. and i try to focus on today. this moment. and soak it all in. still, it hurts.

and the last craziness that's going on is the thought that l's parents are in the states now. tomorrow afternoon we are picking them up at the airport. it's unbelievable! crazy!

but don't give up on me. i may not write alot for the next week and a half. but, i'm still here. just busy. and feeling so many different emotions.


rainy days a comin'

i wanna write, but i cannot seem to recover from this awesome past weekend. i have pics to share from the lighthouse, the family reunion, and many things i've been thinking about. i really wanna get them out. but i'm so tired. i wish i could blog during the day. work gets in the way. hmpf. well, just wanted to say that i may not be blogging right now, but i'm thinking. and i'll be back in a day or 2 with a new post. it's gonna rain for the next few days, i think. really cool weather. cozy times at home. so, hopefully, i'll curl up with a blanket, some coffee, and my love - and read and write, and not fall asleep. my idea is: rain=blogging.

see ya. peace.

all you need is love

“If you wish to experience peace, provide peace for another.”
~ Tenzin Gyatso, The 14th Dalai LamaCoz

peace can be found in the face of a cat. zola, our amazing cat, provides us with endless moments of peace and love...usually just when we need it, too. snuggling with her, i am reminded that her love is unconditional. perhaps i have a few things to learn from zola.

the past few nights have been cozy ones at home. perfect. andmy love and i have been sharing peace with each other. these last two nights have reminded me that sometimes we are given a gift - the feeling of peace from another person, a place, a moment. but, perhaps true peace is not found in something we look for, but in something we do. maybe peace is a way of being. not something we seek out, but a way of life. and perhaps in giving love, we receive true peace.

so, light a candle, cuddle with an animal, share love with another.
spread peace.

Tidigare inlägg